oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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