i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
"it" just moved
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
