I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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