Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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