Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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