So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
