She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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