You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my shit smells like andre
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
