She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
