i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
