Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
