Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
