Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
