hotel room ftw
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
