the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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