Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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