I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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