Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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