I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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