You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
