I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had to coat check the pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
