i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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