So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
