Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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