I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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