i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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