I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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