distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
