she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
