If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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