I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
