whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
