I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they're like a gay fantastic four
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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