So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
