I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
