I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!