At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Holy sore nipples Batman
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.