He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.