Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Randomize
Follow @tfln