Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  her nose should be used as a dorsal fin

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  (404): her nose should be used as a dorsal fin http://tfl.nu/cjiq
  Replies (10) Good night (633) Bad night (3088)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined

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  (301): I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined http://tfl.nu/iip9
  Replies (19) Good night (958) Bad night (3190)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

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  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (162) Good night (2399) Bad night (36307)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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  (617): And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not... http://tfl.nu/7o3n
  Replies (13) Good night (1058) Bad night (3634)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked

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  (613): I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked http://tfl.nu/dann
  Replies (6) Good night (3626) Bad night (1015)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.

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  (281): To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life. http://tfl.nu/6vxl
  Replies (8) Good night (941) Bad night (534)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls

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  (403): I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls http://tfl.nu/ukym
  Replies (1) Good night (1881) Bad night (544)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...

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  (269): It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom... http://tfl.nu/xo96
  Replies (4) Good night (910) Bad night (573)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.

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  (317): If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga. http://tfl.nu/uvum
  Replies (2) Good night (916) Bad night (322)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?

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  (734): Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook? http://tfl.nu/02qq
  Replies (5) Good night (347) Bad night (527)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out

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  (513): you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out http://tfl.nu/zkkx
  Replies (7) Good night (450) Bad night (962)
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  (408): View more from California

  Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high

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  (408): Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high http://tfl.nu/gssl
  Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (296)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.

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  (917): Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch. http://tfl.nu/ua31
  Replies (2) Good night (220) Bad night (384)
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  (619): View more from California

  Maybe he injected his testicle?

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  (619): Maybe he injected his testicle? http://tfl.nu/d1yk
  Replies (4) Good night (198) Bad night (505)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?

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  (610): Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko? http://tfl.nu/8pln
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (355)

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