I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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