I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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