Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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