you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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