If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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