Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize