I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
