Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
