break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
