I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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