I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
