Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
