i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
