i just sent this text using only my big toe
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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