Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You pole danced in your parka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is Oprah even human
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
