When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
