i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
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I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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