I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
