All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
