sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
