He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
