No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
