I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
