what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
