does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
