I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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