I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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