Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
