so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize