Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
