Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
