mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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