If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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