You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
