The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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