Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
