From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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