..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
