Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
