I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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